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I'm tired, physically tired. Beat. And yet I don't know that I've ever felt the same level of extreme satisfaction that I do presently.
I've been a complete slacker most of my life. I've skated by on charm and bullshit and very little real effort in just about every respect. I think the only exceptions to this are my costumes, our wedding and... No, I think that's about it.
I dropped out of high school my senior year because I was a slacker and didn't exactly have my head on straight. I couldn't make ends meet and joined the Navy, getting kicked out of my program (where I was learning Farsi) and sent to the fleet because I was a slacker. This ended up being a very good thing as I probably would have been called back up, but I digress. I made it through those years, got out and went to college. My first semester I got a C in an English class that was, to be honest, painfully simple. My second semester and subsequent ones were much better, but every paper was written the night before, studying for every test put off until the last possible moment; I put forth minimal effort for a hoped-for maximum gain. I left SD for Humboldt and there took on another major, philosophy. I fell in love with the subject and yet my half-assed efforts continued. I put in *just* enough effort to scoot by with As & Bs, but I can only think of one essay that was actually worth the paper upon which is was printed. Guess what? I finished that one an hour before class, too.
When Amanda & I were applying for grad schools and studying for the GREs, I again slacked. I put forth just enough effort to shimmy by. For some strange reason a few schools accepted me. I did put a lot of effort into my writing sample but, again, I finished it the night before. I had time, I just couldn't be bothered. It could have been far, far better, had I finished it in advance and sent it off to one of my former professors.
So now I'm here, in a respectable MA program for philosophy with folks who outclass my knowledge and ability a dozen times over. I'm actually teaching a logic class. I slacked when we got here and didn't study enough, so my logic skills are still rusty. But something has finally, finally clicked. My readings are finished well before class. I have about a week's worth of lesson plans typed up. I'm researching, about half a year before I'm going to start it, possible research topics for my thesis. I'm also researching, again almost a year before we need to nail it down, possible schools to which we'll apply for PhD programs (and even checking on programs for Amanda, just as she did with me with MA programs, but only because she's honestly busy as hell [vs. me just being a lazy ass]).
I have had almost nothing but incredible fortune and kind people in my life. I have continually taken advantage of that (and especially my wife) and squandered opportunities that could have been even more rewarding if I actually had the sense to put forth the effort those things deserved. Amanda has carried me, us, so often in the past and played mom for my slacker ass for five years while I whiled away the time on trivial bullshit instead of focusing on the task at hand.
I have finally come to see this stuff and I'm constantly shocked at how bloody good it feels to be prepared for class, to be ready for the challenges the next day brings. Now this doesn't mean I'll never get distracted--I'm a basket case filled to the brim with ADD, after all--and it surely doesn't mean there won't be some nights when I sacrifice sleep in the name of scholarship (I did last night, rewriting a couple day's worth of lesson plans because I didn't like the way the class was going). But this time, from now on, that's going to be a choice, not a necessity. If I do that, it'll be because I'm going to strive for (as close as I can get to) perfection or simply to calm my nerves by attempting to be overprepared, and not because I'm trying for "good enough, given the time constraints."
I refuse to be the insult to my chosen discipline that I've been since I declared it my major. I finally feel like I'm a real student, like I'm waking up and discovering that being a slacker just ain't cool once one hits 30.
It feels bloody incredible.Current Mood:  exhausted & happy about it! |
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All events which are memorable are not necessarily events one would ever, ever desire to repeat. Allow me, my dear readers, this opportunity to fully explain why I dropped off the face of the planet for a couple weeks.
My intended last day at work was going to be June 20th. Both Amanda and I left for work around 6:30. I drove her to the train, as usual, and then continued on to my job. A slight detour was in order because I was meeting a few friends from work for breakfast. We had a nice albeit short breakfast; Blake insisted she pay for my meal and I neglected to tip which makes me a royal jerk. I hopped in the car and started for work. I had (as is often the case) a need for an energy drink so I headed for the 7-11 nearby. A driveway before getting there I received a call from Amanda at 8:30.
"Kevin I need you to come home right now there's a fire in our apartment." Except that isn't really how she said; it was more like "KEVINIneedyoutocomehomeRIGHTNOWthere'safireinourapartment."
For future reference, please make certain to ask if the call's receiver is driving when dropping a bombshell of that magnitude. If so, wait for them to pull over.
I somehow navigated to the parking lot, breathing heavily and with my head swimming. I thought "pets" and "other residents" just as Amanda told me the pets were fine but they can't find Popper, our cat and all the residents got out safely. I couldn't help but imagine that the birds were all, in fact, dead. Their lungs are especially sensitive; they tend to die of smoke inhalation quickly. I also saw the iron I left on that morning, a neglected cigarette one of us left in the ashtray and a burned out husk of a building for which only we could be blamed.
I got off the phone with Amanda, caught my breath and then turned the car around for the fastest drive home I've ever had. I only sped slightly while on the phone with Blake to let her know I wouldn't be in for my last day but my foot grew much heavier while talking with my mother.
I arrived to find Amanda already there, a dozen or so people and pets outside and this:
The top two floors were heavily damaged. We were the next floor down and we had no idea what we were facing. After about an hour we were allowed in and found the cat hiding in the closet of my office. We also had someone down the street offer to take in our birds for a couple days. Our apartment didn't get through unscathed, but nearly so. We had extensive water damage in the kitchen, our back door had caught fire and was broken down and some of the rooms had extensive seepage on the walls so we knew it wouldn't be long before anything on the walls would be ruined. Most of our stuff was boxed up ready to be moved the next day; this helped preserve those things.
Needless to say we didn't make it out the next day. The apartment was deemed uninhabitable, probably due to the state of the top floor:
Those guys lost everything; seeing that put everything in better perspective. Actually, at this point we couldn't help but laugh. What can one do, after all? It was almost funny: here we were, ready to move out the next day...and the place catches fire.
We went to a hotel, had a couple drinks and passed out cold...only to be awoken by our dog barking every hour or so at the slightest noise. See, Thomas, our dog, had to be extracted from his pen and carried out of the apartment by firemen. He was traumatized. He still is, actually, as he is now afraid of storms. The dripping water and thunderous crashes must remind him of that frightening episode. Actually it was only through Thomas and the lovely lady who took in our birds that we found out about the fire. She had called in his tags to find out to whom he belonged, then she called Amanda. While my notice of the fire was jarring, Amanda's was flat out crazy: "Umm...hi. You don't know me but I'm your neighbor. I have your dog--he's safe--but your apartment is on fire."
Here's a somewhat inaccurate article on the fire. The fire alarms didn't go off. Hell, we must have left for work when the building was going up in flames. The 911 call was placed at 6:41 by the poor guys upstairs. We left for work at 6:30. I have to imagine that we just didn't notice.
The cause, by the way, wasn't us. As far as they could tell some paint thinner on the second floor of the back stairwell caught fire, probably by someone smoking. Fire rises and that's why the top two floors were so badly damaged. Our back door had started to burn by the time the firemen broke it down and rescued Thomas. We were probably two or three minutes away from a far greater disaster.
We returned the next day with our U-Hual, ready to get the hell out of Chicago. Amanda entered the apartment while I was driving the truck only to find that overnight someone had broken into the place (it was boarded up), ripped open almost every box in the whole place and had dumped the contents onto the floor. As we surveyed the damage, we eventually figured out that they were looking only for jewelry, small electronics and cash. We brought most of our jewelry and electronics, so they ended up taking only that which we left behind (total damage between both: around $4000-ish).
It was no longer funny. I felt overwhelmed as did Amanda. We called in reinforcements in the form of a couple of Amanda's work buddies. They came for a total of about two hours and through their support we were able to make sense of the utter and complete mess. Really we just needed them there for moral support. We repacked everything and left for the night, hoping that we wouldn't have another incident. Happily, the theives decided the building had been picked through enough and didn't return so we were able to (with the help of a couple migrant laborers) pack up the next day and drive off to Athens.
Since then I've been upacking, playing house husband, reformatting a dead PC, dealing with the insurance company (we should have our check...today, actually) and generally settling in. So if I've been a bit unresponsive I hope you'll all forgive me; I still don't have a desk (we had to leave some things behind) and I'm actually writing this on the media center PC. We purchased a 37" LCD HDTVs as a present to ourselves for going through this gauntlet, so the experience of writing this in our living room is actually kinda fun as this letter: W is about as big as my thumbnail on this screen.
Allow me to now turn my post into one of those GI Joe moral lessons for my friends who also rent:
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET RENTER'S INSURANCE!!!
Seriously. It costs something like $10-$15 per month and can most often be tagged onto your car insurance. We were the only ones with it; everyone else lost things and can't be compensated.
I should mention that since this we've had nothing but good fortune. Amanda's working way too much right now, but other than that things are wonderful here in this lovely town. Once I finish putting the house together (which I'll do once I get the insurance money) I'll post pictures; this really is an awesome home. Hope all is well!
p.s. The photos are all from the guys upstairs. They took a couple shots while it was burning which I'll include below.
xposted to myspace blog.Current Mood:  grateful |
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I tend to use myspace more often these days, but different people read this so I thought I might x-post it here.
Today I realized something: I'm pretty damned lame.
Those who read this blog know I'm a divorcee. What some of you may not know is that my marraige was...well, let's put it this way: she was very dominant in certain ways, and I was willing to give up anything and everything to maintain that relationship. Not wise, I know.
Now you also know I proposed to Amanda back in May. I'm happy and in love with Amanda--very much so--but for the past month I've been harboring feelings of weirdness, feelings like I was not getting much of a say in our future.
These feelings were all my fault.
I've been only half-seriously dreaming about joining the Peace Corps for god only knows how long. Finally, in the past couple days, Amanda asked me point blank if I wanted to do this move to Chicago, be it in June or in late December. She noticed I wasn't providing much input, giving much feedback on the whole thing and, in general, she felt like I just wasn't very involved. She was right. I finally told her what I should have told her a month ago when I began really revisiting this Peace Corps dream--that very little thrilled me as much as the idea of doing a two year tour with the Corps as a married couple (couples now represent 10% of the Corps).
She responded very simply. "Okay. Let's try it."
And like that, all those weird feelings I had were gone. I double-checked, just to make certain that this really was something she would like to do. She agreed...and now I'm blissfully happy again.
Now, we're still moving to Chicago at some point. Amanda has a math degree, which is highly marketable. We have to take care of some debt before doing this, and it would be good if at least one of us had our certification so that, when we return, a stable income can be provided while the other one does their cert program. So while I either work with Teach for America (that would be ideal) or get my teaching cert from a university program, she'll be doing math problems all day as an actuary (should everything go as planned, of course) and making mad bank while doing so. After about a year our debt will be gone, we'll be able to go without worries, and we'll return with a clean slate and a million stories to tell.
This is, of course, in complete and total pre-planning stage. We may not be able to do it Though more and more it's looking all but certain, and we're thinking Africa), but the important thing is she was completely and unquestionable willing to try, and that's really what matters.
Moral: When something's bothering you that really matters, you're an ass if you don't bring it up. You're also an ass if you superimpose past issues on to people to whom those past issues don't apply.Current Mood: hopeful |
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Actually, the update will be short, but the news is big. Yesterday was graduation, at which I also happened to propose to Amanda!
Pretty big day, needless to say ;-)
...now I just have to finish the paper I got an extention on.
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| » Wassupdate |
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I never post on this here thing anymore. I didn’t much to begin with, but now that I’ve moved over to myspace I do so even less often. In any case, though, I’m due for an update as I’m at work and rather bored.
( This is long )
In any case, life is great, I’m nervous/excited about what the future holds and I’m enjoying myself whenever I can (which is more often than not). Graduation is May 13th (too much family will be out at the time!), moving will be either at the end of May or beginning of June… How crazy is that? I’m leaving Cali after, what, 9 years? Hope Madison will feel like home.
Mar. 20th, 2006 @ 10:18 am
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| » An entertaining quiz |
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Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
( See theflamingchikn's results. )
Dec. 3rd, 2005 @ 03:31 pm
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| » Headlines |
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Unintentionally funny cnn.com headline: "Democrats Push Prisoner Probe Deeper"
Democrats and aliens have much in common, apparently.
Nov. 7th, 2005 @ 11:18 pm
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| » Halloween |
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Duck Hunt. Represent your roots, baby.
That damn shirt took *forever*
Me as Wonder Woman in the lap of one of my roommates, himself dressed as Che. Viva la Fake Boobies.
Group shot.
Nov. 7th, 2005 @ 12:16 pm
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| » Quiz |
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You are a
Social Liberal
(78% permissive)
and an...
Economic Liberal
(18% permissive)
You are best described as a:
Socialist
Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid |
Sep. 25th, 2005 @ 03:49 pm
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| » A list of things seen/done on the roadtrip |
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22 states + Canada (specifically right around Niagara Falls)
3 colleges, all of which we would like to attend
1 wedding
1 raccoon, now smooshed (my fault)
8800+ miles
:-)
Aug. 23rd, 2005 @ 01:53 pm
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| » Because it was fun... |
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After this summer, these are the states I will have actually visited (as oppossed to just driving through) and spent at least one night in:
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
Jun. 15th, 2005 @ 10:55 am
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| » Star Wars |
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Dear Mr. Lucas,
Holy shit.
Your fan again,
-The Flaming Chicken
p.s. I might even show them to my kids in your recommended order...but I'll still apologize for the first two.
May. 19th, 2005 @ 11:06 pm
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| » Dumb, but funny |
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Kevin Michael Berry's Aliases
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Your movie star name: Chips Pat
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Your fashion designer name is Kevin Athens
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Your socialite name is Cheeto Man San Fran
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Your fly girl / guy name is K Ber
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Your detective name is Cockatoo Eagle's Landing
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Your barfly name is Pine Nuts White Russian
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Your soap opera name is Michael Hol-Mar
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Your rock star name is Chocolate Astroid
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Your star wars name is Kevgra Berama
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Your punk rock band name is The Groovy Sea Slug
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I like barfly and rock star names well enough to overlook the majority of them, which turned out like poopoo. Oh, and the punk band's name.
Of course I'm updating; I have papers due!
May. 9th, 2005 @ 10:41 am
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| » MEEM it, just MEEM it. |
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Because Harli posted it...
1. Total number of albums (CD/ cassette/ LP/ wax cylinder) I own: Err...Say, 600 CDs or so, and presently 3 gigs of mp3s and way more than is useful on discs. I'm a digital pack-rat; thank god for my new secondary hard drive.
2. The last album I bought: I'm thinkin' that would have been... Heh, I think Jackson 5's greatest hits. Hey, Amanda wanted it and it was damned funny road tripping music.
3. The last album I listened to all the way through: Probably Nirvana - Nevermind. We all cook on Sundays and have a big household + dates and guests dinner with about 12 or so people; this was our cooking music last week. Oh, and I guess this taditional Italian music CD. It was Italian night (we change the region each time. I think African was my favorite, so far. Jesus I ramble.
4. Five albums that I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order at all):
5. Yellow Note vs. The Daleks. We listened to this CD a lot back in The Commune under the influence of a few illicit substances. Phil and I bonded pretty strongly when we started sharing music, and this was one of the earlier instances of that. Plus, it's just damned fine techno of a jazz-n-bass (ish) CD. His earlier stuff (We Are Not the Beatles) gets an honorable mention, too.
4. Emergency Broadcast Network. Similarly to the above, Joe and I bonded over this CD quite a bit. Well, this CD and even more illicit substances, and all while I was in the Navy and we had too many people living at our home. I imagine I've listened to this CD eight million times, and it still blows my mind on a common basis. Best example of difficult-as-hell-to-classify techno.
3. Triptinomicon. I had to debate if I could put a mix CD up here that I made for a trip and was used in a bunch of others. I didn't want to sound egotistical or some such, but the thing means a lot to me because it was used lots later and everyone really seemed to appreciate it. It made me quite happy to do that for everyone. (and thank god one of my roommates had a copy of Tabla Beat Science's CD).
2. Pink Floyd - The Wall. Probably one of the first pieces of music I could recognize on the radio and tell you who it was. My brother loved this and, hence, I heard it quite often. Years later I realized that he didn't start listening to it until he became a stoner. I'm pleased to report that now that he's very clean cut, he still loves to chill out to said album.
1. Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine. Okay, I admit it, it was this album, coupled with KMFDM, that got me into industrial, and then later goth and techno, etc. I also was a teen boy who fell in love easily and angsty, so I needed songs full of themes that go well with that. Still, the music and structure of the album is pretty incredible--it still gets a fair amount of play.
Honorable mentions: Led Zepplin - I, II, IV, and Houses of the Holy. Hey, they were my first CDs, gifts from my sister, and Zepp's still good, damn it; Nirvana - Bleach. The defining album (along with Nevermind) of my 10th and 11th grade years, and even a bit after. Good Juju, Better Music - Chrys made me this CD when I left San Diego. It made me smile lots and miss my San Diego friends. Outcast - The Love Below. Amanda and I like to sing along to this on roadtrips; same goes for Cake - Fashion Nugget (though they both kinda got played out after three said roadtrips).
Okay, I'll shut the hell up now. Final's Week next week. Where in the hell did the semester go?
May. 5th, 2005 @ 11:00 pm
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| » Medicine |
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I get migraines(clusters, actually, but they're basically the same thing, or at least feel the same). Lots of people do. They suck. When I get them, very little helps--painkillers take off the edge; caffeine helps ease them a bit more. Ya know what actually works, though? Marijuana. Gee, what a shock.
*mumbles something about the need for legalization*
Been playing the hell out of some Sims 2 before the semester drops a bomb on me. You know they've done a good job on a game when a cynic like me looks at a digital representation of a child beating on a digital representation of a set of little kid bells (ya know, the little scale thingies) and finds it utterly adorable. Yesh, I can't believe I admitted to that. Real kids I go gaga over and have no shame about that, but other stuff--stuff crafted to be cute? Bah, and humbug!
/goes back to playing
Apr. 22nd, 2005 @ 11:53 pm
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| » Picture for me! |
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Harli ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) xlagartixax made an artdump today. Among the pieces she posted was one that I had intended to commission her to do, and yet she was radtastic enough to offer it up as one of her every-now-and-then gift commissions. Here it is in all of its sluggy, fish balloony glory. Deep Surreal The only catch is this: she gets to decide when to send it and, presently, she likes how it looks on her mantle. That's fine, though--I know I'll get it eventually, and I quite like just having the picture on my computer!
That link can be a little bothersome--if you want to view the picture, simply scroll down to the bottom of the splash screen and click on the button that reads something like "Go back to DeviantArt" and it should take you there.
ps: Phil's going to be here on the 1st! Very excited about that, I am.
pss: Here's the creature I fell in love with, hence why I wanted her to do a commission in the first place:
Flabellina iodinea, aka Spanish Shawl # 1
Flabellina iodinea, aka Spanish Shawl # 2
Mar. 30th, 2005 @ 01:33 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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 | You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. You neither believe nor disbelieve in God. You don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).
Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. It is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.
agnosticism | | 79% | atheism | | 71% | Satanism | | 63% | Islam | | 58% | Buddhism | | 54% | paganism | | 50% | Judaism | | 42% | Christianity | | 13% | Hinduism | | 8% | </td>
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com |
Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 10:34 pm
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| » Party thing |
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So we had a party on Saturday. Good fun, but not quite the usual level of bomb-diggitiness. Still fun all the same, especially as the theme was villains. Below are a couple pictures...I loved my costume, and I gotta say that the Mad Hatter was pretty incredible. Amanda as a Bush-supporting soccer mom takes the prize for most frightening.
You'll have to deal with links everyone--sorry. Either I'm too stupid or LJ is being testy today.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y17/TheFlamingChicken/Villain%20Party/jokermadhatter.jpg
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y17/TheFlamingChicken/Villain%20Party/jokermadhatbush.jpg
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y17/TheFlamingChicken/Villain%20Party/joker.jpg
Next party is on April 1st or 2nd, our excuse being that three household members have their birthdays in April. We're trying to drum up more excitement for this one, though. The theme? Superheroes, of course. My costume? I ain't tellin', just in case anyone here reads this.
p.s. Anyone else having crazy problems making posts today?!
Mar. 7th, 2005 @ 05:34 pm
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